As the influence of psychoanalysis expanded in the early 20th century, parents started to fell anxious. The ideas of thinkers like Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein or Alfred Adler about the crucial meaning early life has on our psychemade everything parents do (or do not) into a fateful. To alleviate some of this stress, child psychologist Donald Winnicott proposed the concept of a "good enough mother" (nowadays also refered to as "good enough parent").
The first and most important thing that a "good enough mother" isn't is perfect. Winnicott explains that there is no parent who does not make mistakes, and there is no parent who succeeds (or should) meet all the needs and desires of his child. What canand should be is a normal mother or father who, despite their shortcomings, manage to provide their children with a stable and healthy personal and family environment. They are not perfect, but they are good enough.
Winnicott's "good enough mother" idea is also intended to reduce the negative intervention of various experts in raising a family. There is no need to tell the mother that she is holding her child too much in her arms or too little. What is important is to give the mother and father the feeling that as long as they are doing their best, then they are also good enough parents.
Good Enough Mother and the Disillusionment
According to Winnicott, the main role of parents is not to preserve the child's illusion that reality will satisfy all his desires, but rather to allow him to sober up from it. The child's growth process involves acknowledging that both the parents and the world will sometimes disappoint him, but this without compromising his enjoyment, his appetite for life and his ability to accept reality. A good enough mother and a good enough father will be there to help the child shape healthy expectations of himself and those around him, none of these will ever be perfect. The parents are not perfect either, and any attempt to instill in the child this impression will lead to disappointment that will radiate into his adult life as well. The child needs to know how to trust his parents and know that they are there for him, but his emotional growth depends on forming a complex position in relation to himself and his life, such joy in them but also true to the challenges they will bring.
